I Hate Christian McCaffrey: Halfway through 2021 Shitshow

 

The start of Week 9 means the CBPFFL 2021 Fantasy Season has reached about halfway.

Three groups have established themselves:

Contenders- Skillful roster management and tremendous injury luck.

Emre (0 points back, 4 injuries)* Emre leads the pack thanks to an excellent draft. His team is among the deepest at RB and WR; even minor injuries to top guys Chubb and AJ Brown haven’t slowed him down.

Sahil (-33, 9 injuries) Sahil lost his keeper before the season and has had near perfect health since, only losing Henderson for a game. Add stealing Stafford as last starter taken and perhaps the best WR group, he’s trophy hunting.

Fighting for 3^rd – Things have gone well enough for a chance at money.

Kellie (-98, 1 injury) Kellie’s run of least games lost to injury crashed as Fantasy superstar Henry is suddenly lost for perhaps rest of the season. Thin RB depth will be a problem if she wants a podium spot.

Steve (-103, 10 injuries) Michigan-Boy Brady, perhaps the QB steal of the draft, has Steve in the hunt for third, despite some injury problems. Can the GOAT carry him to the money?

Hank (-112, 9 injuries) Hank has had great injury luck, but his numbers are mediocre BECAUSE HE DRAFTED TREY LANCE…as his starting QB…in the 7^th round (5 rounds before his ADP). Had he actually decided to draft a starting NFL QB, and maybe not trade Najee Harris for Miles Gaskin, he could’ve had a shot at defending his title.

Murat (-145, 12 injuries) Despite drafting a deep backfield, injuries have killed any real chance Murat has this year. He will trade you Robbie Anderson in a *great* deal; or maybe just cut him tomorrow, who can say?

Christian (Landon) (-150, 9 injuries) As half of the starting roster has missed time, injuries certainly have made Christian juggle his roster; but there is still and outside chance at the last money spot. Landon is also a co-owner.

Next Year – Ugh. That is all.

Jack (-187, 6 injuries) Huge trades have become Jack’s trademark, as his season will be defined by two big ones: giving up Devante Adams for Mecole Hardman looks like a disaster (-37 points in week after trade), but swapping Gaskin for Najee Harris has him safely out of last place.

Carl (-209, 5 injuries) Carl can’t blame injury luck, as Mike Davis and Melvin Gordon haven’t panned out as reliable FLEX players. Odell Beckham proves why Cleveland stains everything it touches (even Lebron had to GTFO).

Holden (-215, 5 injuries) Although Carson has a broken neck, Holden’s struggles are non-injury, like his brother’s: poor drafting of flex players. TJ Hockenson and AJ Dillion have not become the starters he envisioned.

Gene (-217, 11 injuries) With five starters already missing time, Gene has seen terrible luck this year, including the most injured starting QB: Wilson. Good, Gene doesn’t need any help.

Jim (-350, 21 injuries) Only two of my drafted starters have remained healthy, netting almost TWICE the number of games lost as any other team: CMC and Montgomery (and Mostert) *could* be the best group of RBs in the league, but they’ve played 29% of total possible games so far. Add the disastrous WRs I picked, and there aren't enough ways to say my team sucks. 

I’ve never been scared to see weekly results before. If I don’t finish last, it will be a miracle.

 

 

*Total games lost among drafted starting roster skill players - (usually first 7 rounds)

Somebody Call a Doctor!: The Keeper Curse

 

Sahil debated long and hard whether to keep AJ Brown with his 4^th pick, or gamble on Cam Akers in the 6^th. He chose Akers, and just 16 days later, before the start of preseason, the running back was out for the season.

Akers continues the growing trend of keeper injuries. The 2020 NFL Season, the first CBPFFL employed keeper players, saw a rash of injuries to top players, many of whom were keepers.

Saquon Barkley (Kellie)

Missed 14 Games

Christian McCaffery (Me)

Missed 13 Games

Michael Thomas (Emre)

Missed 9 Games

Austin Ekeler (Murat)

Missed 6 Games

During the 2020 season, only three keepers played all 16 games:

Devin Singletary (Steve) may as well have been injured, finishing RB#31.

Darren Waller (Hank) balled out all season, helping Hank lift the trophy.

But, finishing QB#2 and selected in the very last round,

Josh Allen (Holden)

2020 Keeper of the Yeet Yeet 

Keepers sure keep things interesting...

The Day I Started Two QBs and Set an Unbreakable Record

November 29, 2020,

After Covid claimed every QB on Denver's active roster,

the Broncos were forced to start a player listed at WR.

So, I had two starting QBs in my line-up:

Derek Carr

215 YRD, 1 INT, 3 FUM- 0 PTS

Kendall Hinton

13 YRD, 2 INT- (-4) PTS

Let the Taunting Begin...

 

For a merciful 23 years the world was spared the Fantasy taunts of Murat, but that is over. Now that Murat has captured his first CBPFFL Championship in the League’s “modern” era, we can expect a return to one endless, finger-wagging, “yeah, baby!”

Murat loves to list all of his hypothetical trophies. He will come at you with crackhead calculus about how his second place finishes count for partial wins. He will show you deep spreadsheets of every injury his players have suffered, as no Fantasy owner has ever, ever encountered. And, most of all, he refuses to recognize any Championship for years he sat out. In his mind, Murat wins every year,

But this year Murat won in reality too. So, cheers to the Champion.

The heaviest burden shall fall upon Hank, who now owns the longest absence from a top the league podium. And the trash talk has reached new levels already, becoming multi-generational.

This season is shaping up to be a knock-down, no rules, battle royale. Covid has already wrought a plague of injuries and game cancelations on the season. Five weeks in, 2020 is already the most difficult year in Fantasy history. It’d be a great time for Hank to get his name on the trophy, again.*

Also, Murat:

CBPFFL Championships

Pickard 5

Murat 4

Sahil 3

 

*for hours of entertainment, ask Murat about Hank’s “asterisk”

Draft Day 2020: Zooming into the Apocalypse

 

Chattanooga - Corona Virus and the apocalypse has brought the CBPFFL its first Zoom-assisted draft. The ownership of half the league traded witticisms and trash-talk; it was the most CBPFFL owners collecting in one (virtual) space since the hallowed halls of Landon.

It was a great time of babies and puppies. One non-baby puked with joy.

Other than the camaraderie, my favorite aspect of a Fantasy Football Draft is the unpredictability. This draft, like every year, brought some eye-opening Yowzers!

Round 1

After capturing first overall pick for the second consecutive season, young Jack raised a few eyebrows, taking Derick Henry. With CMC/Barkley as first official keepers in CBPFFL history, smart money had Zeke or Kamara next in line. A bold move to begin the finest draft of his young CBPFFL career; with his solid receivers, he won’t be in the cellar this season, you heard it here first.

Reach o’ Round

Le’Veon Bell (CB) – My eyeballs exploded! Pick #10 (projected #46)?!? CB musta been hammered? Does he think it’s still 2016? You can’t win a league in the first round, but you can lose it.

 (UPDATE: Yes, Bell was terrible. And CB finished last place.)

Round 2

A lot of great value in this round: Julio J and Hopkins falling this far surprised a little.

The best steal seems to be Gene, picking Mixon #21 overall (projected #11). Obviously, the RB’s “migrane/contract” issue scared a lot of people, but it could pay off for Gene, in the start of an excellent draft for The Jeff Georges.

Reach o’ Round

Leonard Fournette (Holden) – Could have waited for a busted RB that may be shipped out of town. Trading Hollywood Brown for Kenny Golladay or George Kittle is a move I’d make any day and a two-point conversion on Sunday.

(Update: Fournette was cut almost immediately. He found home on SB-winning Tampa)

Round 3

Another round of incredible value. These middle rounds (3-7) are where winner teams are made. I see no bad picks here.

I’m still shocked Mike Evans fell to me at #35 overall…

Reach o’ Round

No tugs - On second thought, I almost want to award Marquise Brown (Holden), not because I don't like the player, but because there were probably better options in this spot. However, if I give myself a pass for Chris Carson in early Rd 2, I can excuse Holden for loving "Hollywood" here.

(Update: Strong round indeed, aside from Kittle's injuy. Gurley and Hollywood bring up rear.)

Round 4

If Murat is vulnerable to failure this season, it will be from RB weakness. Raheem Mostert had a crowded RBBC backfield in my crystal ball, so I faded SF all RBs. I would’ve rather had any of the other RBs taken after him in the round: J Taylor, Ingram II, or David Johnson.

Murat drafted great, and was expectedly, and annoyingly, all over several of my guys (on the bookends. He certainly has his eyes on repeating as Champion.

Reach o’ Round

DK Metcalf (CB) – CB earns the honors again, selecting Metcalf where his teammate Lockett probably should’ve been taken.

(Update: Ooff. Whiffed this one- DK finishes as WR #8, just above Lockett at WR #9.)

Round 5

When Landon and Christian took Dak, one pick before I could (w CB keeping L Jackson), I threatened violence. I’m not proud.

Prescott was the QB I coveted, and the drunken chuckleheads beside me had snapped him up from my fingers; their second steal from my list! In two attempts! I suspected espionage.

Reach o’ Round

Marvin Jones Jr. (Holden) – Another Yowzers! I missed when it happened. The Brown brothers demonstrating their love for a good ol’ fashioned Fantasy reach. Ranked #88, selected #51, most drafters fear regression. We’ll see how the Lions shoot up the division this year, but definitely could wait a few rounds and still grab Marvin.

(Update: Dak was on record pace before gruesome Week 5 injury, but Marvin did just fine.)

Round 6

Things started to come apart in a few places…aggressive owners grabbed value, sloppy drafters grabbed poop sandwiches. So much poop.

Reach o’ Round

Diontae Johnson (Hank), John Brown (Holden), and Rob Gronk (Emre) – Circle Jerk Award! Any bets these picks become regrets? This is Round 6, not Round 9, you twisted fools.

 (Update: Diontae was a nice piece, helping Hank to championship. But Brown and Gronk sucked.)

Round 7

Deshaun Watson falling to Round 7 is major value, and again Gene collects. The NYC boys will be tough to topple again in 2020.

Thanks to keepers, Stafford was technically my Round 7 #77 overall pick. Super lucky talisman, I’ll need it, the Lion gun-slinger is my QB in both leagues. I’m all in.

Really wanted Crowder, hope I didn’t bone it, letting Murat take him, and waiting on Edelman.

Reach o’ Round

Justin Tucker (Emre) – Holy flurkin’ shnitt. A kicker in Round 7?!? Unconventional…like Michael Scott driving straight into the lake. Honorable mention: Daniel Jones (Kellie) - before Stafford, Brady in Tampa (!), and Matt Ryan. I like Danny Dimes, but not before this trio, and not before the 9th Round. 

 (Update: Stafford-QB #15-ruined my Fantasy season, on both teams. Watson was good-QB #7- Jones -QB #22- was indeed bad.)

Final word:

In all, most drafters were still awake by Round 15. Gene and Murat’s teams look like the cream. The rest of us gonna have to put in some work. If I can't take it, I hope it's Hank.

This will be a great season of football, let’s be grateful to have it.

Wakanda Forever! 

The Turkish Tornado: Murat’s Record Start

This is, without question, finally Murat’s year. It’s been an astounding 23 years since he captured the CBPFFL, but this season has all the inevitability of a Trump impeachment. 

Murat has been on the cusp of victory many times. He’s finished in the top three an amazing six times in the last nine years, runner-up three times. Last season was perhaps the most heart-breaking, as James Conner, the unquestioned free agent pick-up of the year, was almost enough, but a late season run by Gene snatched the trophy from Murat’s fingers. All the close calls make it only a matter of time.

This week, Murat smashed the all-time weekly score. The previous weekly high (since the advent of 21^st Century rules and record keeping) was my own 2011 championship team, in a season that produced two weeks of identical 215 points. But Murat shredded that like a tornado through wet toilet paper. 

QB- Russell Wilson	37
RB- Ezekiel Elliott	16
RB- Austin Ekeler	21
W/T- Julio Jones	7
W/T- Adam Thielen	32
Flex- Amari Cooper	39
Flex- Will Fuller	53
K- Mike Nugent	9
D/ST- Philadelphia	35
TOTAL	249

This is a record that will stand for a good, long while. An incredible five players scored over 30 points! A record, despite his first-round pick limping out a lowly seven. But Will Fuller was the play that earned the record. Murat swapped in Houston’s second WR (after Hopkins, my own first-rounder) for a back-up Giants RB, that put up 27 the week before, managed one (!) miserable point, before exiting with a concussion. That single decision earned Murat 52 points, 100 jelly beans, and a record that will stand for many years.

            So, barring the most phenomenal flame-out in the history of Fantasy Football, Murat will take The Caggiano this December. 

• Murat has averaged 170 points through five weeks and built a 193 point lead over a hungry horde of owners in second. The record for total score is (again) my own 2011 team, that averaged about 150 each week. And that was a 10 team league with a TE slot we no longer use!
• Poor Holden, barreling towards last place and next year's top pick, on pace for third worst finish all time, sits an insurmountable 386 points behind, as Murat has outscored him by an average of 77 points (!) every week. 
• Murat's low score this season has been 130 (!), higher than two teams have yet to score. 
• In five weeks, Murat has finished with the top score twice, second twice, and a low rank of 5th once.

            Murat drafted a nightmare team, with a nearly perfect first eight rounds:

Player	Pos	Draft	Current Position Rank
Russell Wilson	QB	Round 6	1
Ezekiel Elliott	RB	Round 2	11
Austin Ekeler	RB	Round 8	2
Julio Jones	WR	Round 1	7
Amari Cooper	WR	Round 4	4
Adam Thielen	WR	Round 3	14
Will Fuller	Flex	Round 7	8
Philip Lindsay	Ben	Round 5	12

Five weeks into the season, with the narrow exception of Thielen, every single player ranks as a first string starter. The most any other owner drafted during the first eight rounds is three. Murat did not miss on a single important pick. A couple owners whiffed on five of these picks.

Murat has had to watch his NYC crew capture three titles, as his mantel gathers cobwebs.

So, Cheers to Murat, well done.

The Year of Trophies

The 2017-18 sports season was the greatest of my life.

I managed to capture my 5^th CBPFFL title, and the first in six years. The Caggiano is a hard trophy to win, and it felt good to see it back on the mantel; some people have waited 23 (and counting) years for that feeling.

Also, my Villanova Wildcats claimed their second NCAA Basketball Championship in three years. They were a fun team to watch and I’ve never felt more confident about one of my teams in the finals as I did as they rolled over Michigan.

My own beer-league hockey team won back to back seasons. It was the first time I managed to pose for a title picture in that league and was the greatest group of teammates I’ve ever lucked into. Go Shade!

Finally, after 44 years, my beloved Capitals drank, and drank, and drank from Lord Stanley’s Cup. They partied so hard the NHL instituted new rules for protection of the oldest trophy in sports, including banning the “Cup Stand,” credited to Ovechkin and his teammates.

I would’ve traded my fantasy win, ‘Nova’s title, and my own hockey team, and even agreed to never see these fantastic feats ever accomplished again, for this single Caps victory. Lucky me, I got them all…

Most CBPFFL titles are won with a virtually flawless draft, but I won my 2017 title with the waiver wire. Smaller pieces came my way, as I found the leg of Greg Zuerlein and the punishing Baltimore D off the wire: they finished as K1 and D/ST2 overall. Murat abandoned Zach Ertz too early, and he finished as a WR2 for the season, despite missing time with an injury. Most importantly, I snagged the free agent of the season: Alvin Kamara, who finished as RB3 overall. As a former Tennessee Vol, and current New Orleans Saint, Kamara fast became my favorite NFL player as he led my team to victory. 

But time passes…I kissed the trophy one more time and mailed it to NYC for its new owner…Villanova saw four started drafted into the NBA and busted out of the NCAA early…my heel is giving me problems and making me nervous about playing hockey…and, finally, the Caps resumed their choking ways and saw St. Louis become the newest first-time Cup champions. It’s all over…but at least I tasted it, and it was unforgettable.

Three Time Champ: The Tak Dynasty

No owner in the modern era of the CBPFFL has been more successful than Sahil. Despite never winning the championship before the advent of the internet, Sahil now has etched his name on The Caggiano three times in the last nine seasons. Congratulations sir; you're a man playing with children.

Last season came down to the very last game of the year, a Sunday night shootout between Detroit and, Sahil’s pet favorite, Green Bay. He kicked Hank down and took the top spot, above a list of all CB Posse old-schoolers: CB, me, and Murat. It was refreshing to see the league totally dominated by Landon alum, once again.

As the league approaches 25 years in age, it’s not surprising to see dynasties emerging. In 2017, we are joined by first time owner, young Jack, heir to the Caggiano throne. Could a Tak dynasty line be far in the future?

This season, Sahil is out to a fast start. After two weeks, he stands in first place, and owns the current weekly high score. As the only four-time champion in CBPFFL history, I can honestly feel him (and ALL the Taks) clawing at my heels.

Tim Tebow Plays Baseball (for a reason)

All hail Kellie, heir to the Caggiano throne, champion of The Sunshine State, aka Tebow4EVER, aka AlwaystheOnlyGirl, ruler of CBPFFL!

To achieve Fantasy dominance, Kellie uses a remarkable system of team Management: never make a transaction. Not. Ever. 

Kellie drafts and those are her guys. Regardless of if they are playing football, or selling cheese graters, they WILL be on her roster. I mean, she still drafts Tebow, and he plays baseball...

Of the nine owners that have played six or more seasons in the computer age CBPFFL, Kellie has made an INFINITESIMAL amount of roster moves. Murat, the dirty deal master, leads the way with 245 moves; Kellie has just 12(!!!) in seven years.

She rode this management style to a runner up finish in 2014, and now the trophy in 2015.

Jason had similar finishes during the same time period (1st in '14 and 3rd in 2015). He made 42 moves.

Murat also lurked around the top at the same time (3rd in '14 and 2nd in 2015). He made 86 (!) moves.

In two seasons, Kellie made two. T-W-O. 

Here's to player loyalty, and our reigning Champion! Girl Power! 

Draft Day: 2015 Edition

I’ve always lamented the fact that we don’t have a live, in person draft anymore. We used to gather in Sahil’s basement for an all-day Fantasy Football nerd out, and it was awesome! It consisted mostly of trash talk and ripping on CB; it was the best day of the season.

My second league does the draft right. We trek down to Auburn on Friday, get a load of chicken wings, play poker until the wee hours, and catch up on all things football and all things not. Saturday, most of the guys head to the golf course while a few of us study up for the draft back at the house. The actual draft is held at a swanky golf resort, and begins with some votes on rule changes and setting of next year’s draft date (yes, they pick a date one YEAR out). 10 of 13 guys were present this year for the festivities: football, fraternity, and four hours of shots, shots, followed by more shots.

This year in Chattanooga, Landon hosted us with a buffet I hope becomes a yearly tradition. We sat outside, watching preseason football, while he served up grilled wings, the best bacon-wrapped, stuffed jalapenos I’ve ever had, and finished the night with some tasty brats and peppers. I was so lost in the cavalcade of tasty foods, that I drafted seven (!) guys dealing with suspension and injury. In fact, last night’s New England-Pittsburgh season opener had three of my players sitting on the sidelines with bongs, rather than helmets and pads.

Well, good luck to everyone this year (except defending champion Jason, screw him); I’ve got a butt-load of jellybeans on football this season; to keep it straight, here’s the list.

• CBPFFL $100 buy-in
• Murat $5 weekly, $25 season
• Landon $5 weekly, $25 season, $10 Landon v. Jason season
• Christian $5 weekly, $25 season
• Spencer $5 weekly, $50 season, $20 Titans don't make playoffs
• Auburn $80 buy-in and $35 (estimated) transaction fees
• Ken $20 CJ?K v. Pierre Thomas season
• Steve Taco Dinner total and $1 No 49er has 10 TDs
• Wade $25 weekly pick ‘em, $50 Washington doesn't get 8 wins, PIT v BAL for AFC North

For those keeping track, and the list grows longer and longer, that’s 18 bets and roughly $1,245 total action I’m spreading. Hmmm…it’s a good thing I gave up sports betting over ten years ago.

Draft Day Awards 

• Best Food – Landon (obviously)
• Best Draft – Jason (he stole at least two guys right before me. He’s gonna be tough to beat)
• Best No Show – Tie CB (WTF dude?) and Jack (past his bedtime)
• Best Rookie Pick – Christian (with Tebow as Mr. Irrelevant – go VOLS!)
  

Have fun, and let the deflated balls fly!
The Commish

P.S. Last season I got technologically screwed into taking McCoy #1 overall, instead of Charles, as I wanted. Gene was “generous” enough to offer to swap players, but I refused, resigned to “fate.” Charles finished the season 51 points higher than McCoy, which would’ve AT LEAST won me a $50 side bet with Spencer. Always go with your gut.

P.P.S. Quick brag – Eight of the nine QBs I made public predictions last year were correct, for a +584 shift in points. Ironically, the only one I got wrong, Rapistburger, ended up being a 12th round keeper for my other league. How do I do it? Get your name on the trophy four times and find out.

The Caggiano

Since the inception of the CBPFFL in 1993, the NFL has gone through an incredible amount of transformation. Let's take a quick journey in the way-back machine to the age of Jerry Rice and Thurman Thomas...

1993

•  There were no NFL teams in Jacksonville or Charlotte named after pussycats. 

• Baltimore had no Ray Lewis, no Ray Rice, no Ravens, and its only Super Bowl said "Colts."

• The Titans actually won their division, but they were called the Oilers and lived in Houston (I said Titans, not Texans dummy).

• Kurt Warner was a senior at Northern Iowa, preparing to go undrafted and bag some groceries.  The Rams had one more season in Los Angeles. 

• His brief football career over, Bo Jackson still knew baseball, and the Raiders still knew LA too...neither was true one year later. 

• Dan Snyder was just some advertising pimp no one had heard of, and Washington basked in the glow of the '91 Super Bowl, the last major championship to call the nation's capital home. 

Well, just as NFL television contracts have quadrupled in the last two decades, so has the CBPFFL. The trophy needed commensurate revamping as well.

Our new improved trophy now resides in New York, a testament to Jason’s second championship in three years. Congrats, sir.

I was publically rooting for runner-up Kellie. Now, young Jack wants to co-manage a team next season. Will the Caggiano dynasty put their name on the trophy? Or will it be you?

Punching Kittens

I Will Punch a Kitten - IN - THE - FACE!

I've always hated relying on Yahoo to run our league. This year my worst fears came to be realized.

With the first overall pick, my computer refused to open the draft room. Over and over, for half an hour, I will get on, only to be booted, again and again. The tension and frustration built as the piece of electronic garbage force me to auto draft number one overall: LeSean McCoy. I was planning to take Jamal Charles and the anger exploded from me.

"I will punch a kitten in the face!" I screamed, so the echo blanket of the entire neighborhood. Landon and Spencer loved that one.

I ran the rest of the draft through my phone, and eventually the blood receded from my eyes. To be clear, I hate the new Yahoo draft room. I can't believe it doesn't provide a filter for wide receiver/tight end. This typifies the amateur hour nature of Yahoo, and I'm going to renew my push for a better system next season.

Charles eventually fell to Gene, and he graciously offered to swap the two running backs and set things right. However, after some thought, and perhaps under the influence of my lecture on Oedipus the King this week, I'm going to give into fates larger than myself and stick with McCoy. Tomorrow, tomorrow, we shall see.

Predictions:
Quarterbacks I love to out produce last season's total: Luck (drafted him), Brady, Ryan, and obviously Rogers should be on the list, but that is an injury cheap shot.

Quarterbacks I hate, and see declining from last season's total: Peyton Manning, Rivers, Dalton, Newton, Roethlisberger, and Foles.

One final note (updated after Week 2):

I put RGIII on the "Love" list, even though he was benched the final three games of last season.

This blatant homerism has likely cost me my season in my second league.

I was all in on RGIII this season. A moment came in my other league, composed entirely of Auburn graduates, when I had to decide between RGIII and Cam Newton. As I mulled the decision, Matthew Barry sage advice leapt my from my subconscious: We play pet fantasy for fun. I should've heard his other advice: Minimize risk. There is no more risky QB in the NFL than RGIII, typified by his non-contact dislocated ankle in Week 2.

Fueled by a pitcher of Long Island Ice-T, I idiotically floated another 50 jellybeans on the RGIII and Newton heads up. Ugh.

Hail Kirk Cousins!!